15 June, 2017
It’s 11.43 a.m. and my mind is doing a run through of the crazies. Here I am, all 23 years of me, finally a graduate, no more college classes to be late to, no more stinky shirts to re-wear inside out, no more laid back semester breaks, all that’s left is a socially awkward and confused me, a lot of painful, possibly forever goodbyes, misgivings about the job I’m about to take up, a lot of pressure from mother goose to settle down with Mr dashing and handsome, and the big gaping hole that my future is. I feel like I’m a contestant on fear factor who’s centre stage all the time, all the monsters under my bed smirking at me and I’m stuck between getting my shit together and fucking things up more.
Trying to come to terms with all these things snowballing towards me all at once is turning out to be a herculean task. Little me, worrying about that test, about random weekday getaways and rushing off to snag that last piece of gooey rum balls from my favourite bakery, keeping the rat out of the room..I remember me having soul crushing debates, arguments and getting frustrated about such mundane things like it was yesterday… Oh wait…it was yesterday (-_-)
What exactly am I supposed to do right now? Go to a new city or stay close to the familiar? Higher studies or slog and study for one of the dozens of exams for those much coveted cushy jobs? Get an apartment? Use my newfound financial independence to spend or save? Start looking for a prince charming on matrimonial sites like a good little girl or look around for one or not marry at all? Sleep with my boyfriend or remain a virgin forever? Go pub hopping on Fridays or stay sober? Decisions, decisions and more decisions, they’re hurtling towards me, the girl who can’t even pick a soup off the menu.